Can’t take any more coverage of the Memorial Service, and the media’s breakdown of their coverage of the event itself. So, I turn to Jon Stewart for solace. I’m a bit behind, but I found this clip from one of last week’s shows that I thought was particularly refreshing regarding B. Madoff’s newest prison ponzi scheme:

I’m being rocked at about 93% power by Junot Diaz’s The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Rocked enough to write a mid-day, mid-book endorsement: Read it. The voices in this book are crystalline and entertaining enough that breezing through 50, 75, 100 pages at a time is easy and enlightening. Not sure why I put this one off for so long, but I nearly missed my stop on the train on my way back from My Big Day In The Big City last night. MBDITBC was fun…

Things I may need to look into:

1. An iPhone or the like. MBDITBC proved to be a humbling technological experience, as my beaten-up flippity phone (on which I text at a blazing one character per three # hits) felt tiny and inadequate. Still, I’m not sold on whether or not I have it in me to be that guy. The day job seems to demand it. My personality rejects it. The battle rages on.
2. Getting a new bike. The ol’ Death Bike, that got me through ‘97-’00 in The City, and that saved my life on more than a few close encounters with CTA buses and cabs, is on its last, sad wheels. If I were so motivated, I’d fix it up. But it needs a surgeon, and I’m but a mere specialist.
3. Wall shelving. You know those wall-mounted, long shelving units that kind of make your books look like they’re suspended? Sort of mod-looking and whatnot? I’d like those. Only for cheap. Thoughts? Suggestions?
4. Getting outside more. Enough of this list. I grow tiresome of it…

For a record number of months, I’ve had “Quantum of Solace” on my coffee table in its Blockbuster sleeve, having heard nothing but lackluster things about this movie. “It’s too dark.” “It’s not James Bondy enough.” “Worst Bond film ever.” Etc. So, a slow week befell me, a daughter in bed, a bottle of wine opened, and I threw it in expecting to be underwhelmed and/or pissed. Quite the contrary. This is a great film, and, I think, one that had to be made if the Bond brand is to live on. If I remember correctly, this came out around the same time as the most recent Bourne film, so this movie was contextually panned. I say give it some time, and watch it as if the Bond legacy never existed, and you’ll find a film rather than just a movie. Aside from the reconnection to its noir roots–the color scheme is nothing more than black/white/brown–it flaunts Bond conventions with a story that is a continuation of the previous (and arguably The Set-up) film in many ways. He doesn’t sleep with anyone in this movie. He is personally motivated. He really doesn’t have much in the way of competition (the Grand Finale Death Fight scene really ain’t much). But who cares? If you were paying any attention, you’d realize that the re-branding of Bond is at hand, and, visually, this is a rather stunning film. The early (and I mean really freaking early) Bond films weren’t much–more “intrigue” than action and gadgetry. And I’m an afficionado. I know every Bond film by rote, and understand when the current film is paying homage to an earlier, better chase scene (e.g. the speed boat scene in Quantum vs. the one in Live and Let Die–advantage LALD). But forget all of that, this Bond rocks. And shame on you for not recognizing. Not only are the films fun to watch, they’re engaging on other levels (do you really remember anything at all about the Timothy Dalton years aside from his goofy-ass mug???)…

This year’s Florida trip was, in fact, awesome (see the entire photo album on my Facebook page). Things I noticed while walking along the beach: The early 90’s tattoo craze that brought tats from the prison population & street people to “extreme” college students (the rise in popularity of tattoos and rock climbing as a “hobby” are, in fact, intimately bound) and then to everyone else is now coming back to bite many of those folks right on the back fat. Now, those brave middle-class pioneers of tattoo are themselves middle-class parents with middle-class beer guts and middle-class wrinkles. Their once glorious tribal markings and tramp stamps and barbed arm bands are rather humorously on display above plaid Old Navy swim trunks and sagging stretch marks. It could have just as easily been me, as I’ve been known to jump a bandwagon or two. But it’s not. So, I look forward to seeing them when we all reach our 60’s and retire down there. Will be quite the visual feast…

I’ve finished Evan Wright’s “Hella Nation,” which took longer than I’d planned simply because I found that reading essays about the fringyest people in our country all in a row had a negative effect on my sense of comfort with people. Kind of like watching a Dateline To Catch a Predator marathon–it’s interesting at first, and then the more you see, the worse you feel about humanity. Still, it’s a book worth reading, and I highly recommend it (maybe in between essays, watch an episode of South Park or something light to cleanse the palette)…

I was in Milwaukee on Friday night to witness the ordination of a Marquette friend at Gesu Church. This marked the first time I’d set foot on the MU campus in more than a decade, the first time I’d been to church in at least seven years, and the first time I’d ever witnessed anyone becoming a priest. I was struck by how “not mine anymore” the campus felt–it was very much like walking on foreign ground. Except for the reception in the AMU, which I was stunned to see still had the Brew Bayou. Given the amount of change the campus has undergone, I figured that the old coffee shop had become a Starbucks or maybe was given up to office space or something. But there it was. That was a warm fuzzy, as was seeing 2 old roommates and a few other old friends, all of whom I hope to see again sometime in the future…

I’m not sure to what extent I’d call Slumdog Millionaire the “feel good movie of the decade,” though it may very well be the perfect story. The intersection of reality/fiction here is what makes this movie emotionally gripping enough to have been the Best Picture. In celluloid or whatever the hell they call it now in the digital age, we love the fact that Jamal and Lakita have a kind of (if implausible) happily ever after. Though the realism of the utter filth and poverty of Mumbai haunts this would-be love story in such a way that we kind of demand to know (somewhat knowingly, unfortuately) what ever became of all of those little kids who got to bear witness to the mob beatings and all of the other Too Real shit that we see early on. There were points when I thought I was watching Boyz n Tha Hood-Mumbai, which then made me feel oogey in a kind of third-world porn kind of way–like, as I sit on my red Ashley couch, sipping wine and snacking on Famous Amos cookies, I feel a twinge of sympathy for those poor souls sleeping amongst the piles of filth and whatnot. I appreciated the fact that the story reflected the times so that we see the housing boom (and Salim’s involvement in this new empire) in India, like a rising, doomed empire. Anyway, Dev Patel was awesome and Freida Pinto stunning, and there’s really nothing to hate about this movie. It will make you feel…

1. I’ll watch NASCAR and drink a glass of red wine while doing so. Further, I will ask you to leave if you are pulling for Kyle Busch…

2. I’ll watch an entire dubbed movie on Telemundo or Univision. Recent favorites include: Predator, Aurora Encounter (this film is bizarre/creepy in any language), Delta Force, and Roll Bounce. I don’t speak Spanish…

3. When I watch Deadliest Catch, I feel as though I can taste the crab legs every time they show those guys chucking them into the tanks. I think about how I could never work on those ships, simply because I would haul in a pot, grab one of the Alaskan Kings and take it into the galley and prepare it in a huge pot with a few Stroh’s…

4. I find Charlie Rose one of the most exciting men in television…

5. I haven’t laughed out loud during a Simpsons episode in years, but must watch it because it’s like a security blanket to me…

6. I was utterly inconsolable when, after having tuned in for all of VH1’s Top 100 Songs of the ’80s, I learned that Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” lost to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”. It just couldn’t be so. As a child of the ’80s, I recall vividly being rocked at least 75% harder by every track on Hysteria over Slippery When Wet. Granted, both rocked. But Pour Some Sugar on Me was the moneyshot of moneyshots at all of our junior high dances. It was the rockinest song of the ’80s hands-down. It’s not that Bon Jovi wasn’t up there, because they were, no question. Simply that Pour Some Sugar on Me is the quintessential ’80s rock song, as it’s so obviously about that which was on all of our minds at the time–being drenched with granulated sugar, of course. Living on a Prayer is like a story about people and stuff. Who cares, you know? I don’t know. It just really bothered me that I tuned in, stuck with it for every hour-long installment or whatever they were, only for all of my illusions to be so utterly dissed…

7. I’ve lost interest in this list now…

How to rid your daughter’s bathroom of cockroaches after she sees one while she’s on the potty and screams with her little feet up and then refuses to actually set foot on the floor for 2 weeks, causing you to have to carry her to the potty or to Tubby Time for the last week:

• Lay down a 50/50 mixture of powdered sugar and Borax, drizzled along the moulding. The sugar attracts them, the Borax causes them to dry up from the inside and die a horrible death, effectively eradicating them in 1 week. Have a stern discussion with the Management, who discovers the problem being the funky, nasty family adjacent to her bathroom, who fled their apartment and left behind all food items. Make sure the vacant, adjacent apartment is bombed with extreme prejudice.

How to explain to your daughter that you were pulled over by the cops for speeding:

• Start with “Once upon a time” and explain that you were both apologetic and surprised, and then show her the ticket upon which the nice officer noted “Subject in clear view on his cell phone; a very polite individual”, and explain that it’s always best to admit when you’ve done something wrong. (She has demanded to hear this story no fewer than 7 times. She lays on the floor with her head in her hands and feet crossed, and demands that I start with “Once upon a time” and end it with “The end.” She always applauds when it’s over.)

How to change a tire 3 times in 5 months:

• Pull off on the most convenient side-street. Assemble the screw-jack under the chassis. If you’re used to this kind of thing, from beginning to end it should take no more than 20 minutes. Wave off all passers-by who offer to help, but be sure to thank them for their kindness. Drive with the do-nut tire to NTB, drop your pants, turn around and accept your fate. Consider buying a new car.

How to try to make everything better:

• Book a flight to Florida for Daddy-Daughter Vacation Part II: The Re-Laxening, rent a “full-sized” car online and get the free upgrade to “luxury.” Hope that it’s a Caddy.

File under “un-bleeping-believable”: I knew Jon Stewart had it in him. If you have watched the Daily Show for any length of time, you’ve seen him take guests to task in ways that are very much not intended to be funny (see Tucker Carlson interview). He has an intellect, and ain’t afraid to use it. I’ve been following the Jim Cramer/Jon Stewart drama, and kind of figured it would come to a head with a few one-liners about the media, and then pleasantries and maybe a book plug or something. I didn’t expect Jon Stewart to eviscerate Cramer…with video!…and then lines like: “I understand that you want to make finance entertaining, but it’s not a [f-ing] game.” And so on. But to see Cramer squirm and stammer like he did was horribly uncomfortable and, admittedly, somewhat satisfying. Stewart used Cramer as the conduit for his criticism of all of CNBC. It was exhausting, shocking, good fun… See the whole thing here. (Once I upgrade my Wordpress, I’ll embed the videos. To date, I’ve been afraid of the upgrade because I don’t know if I can pull it off w/out blowing up everything to this point; we’ll see…)

Off to Toledo in a few minutes. Z and I are paying a quick weekend visit to honor thy parents/grandparents…

I will never understand the logic of the mini-toys–the dolls so tiny that you have to use a jeweler’s loupe to finesse the little rubber clothes onto their horrid, little bodies. The only reason I mention this is that I vacuumed last night, and noticed at least 2 pieces of Polly Pocket accessories (no bigger in size and appearance than a half of a dried Mac/cheese fragment) in the path of the vacuum moments before I ran over them. And I know that they will be missed. Among the thousands of toys and toy parts she owns, these two things will be conspicuously missing and searched for frantically until I have to break the news. Then there will be the extricating of the pieces from the vacuum bag. That will be my next post. There will be pictures…

Tonight is Jon Stewart’s inevitable showdown with Jim Cramer. Should be fun…

Time to reset the clocks, which shouldn’t be difficult for me, as I still hadn’t reset them from when I was supposed to “fall back” (except for my alarm clock)…

Doomsday clock remains as-is; 5 minutes to midnight…

My biological clock is a-okay…

The Hill Valley clock tower (“Back to the Future”) is still standing, contrary to reports that a fire at the Universal studios back lot burned it down…

Below is an official timeline of all of the Back to the Future “jumps” made by Marty and other characters, which I found on a web site that does some of the most comprehensive analysis of Back to the Future I’ve ever encountered. From the site:

Accordingly, the events within each timeline are listed (chronologically) as they are understood to have occurred, but most often where they differ (often radically, or else subtly) from those of their “parent” timelines. For instance, permanently unaltered events in Timeline 1 during the 1960s are common to all BTTF timelines and are listed only once. Events that occur prior to a timeline split date are of course identical to those described in the lower-numbered timeline.